Aside

 

ImageI am HAPPY and beautiful! That’s how I answer people when they ask me how I’m doing these past few days. Heehee. But seriously, I am happy. I am surprisingly happy with my work right now. This may not be what I really wanted, but I am just so thankful that God gave me a second chance in my Nursing career. And, I am more thankful now because of so many opportunities that are opening up for me. I may not know what God wants for me at this moment, but the thought that He is actually giving me HOPE that one day I will have a better job outside the country, makes me feel blessed. He really knows how to make me feel better. I was once a confused individual. Today, my goal in life has been clearer than yesterday. One step at a time. Take chances. Anyway, there’s no need to hurry. As my Facebook post says: “It’s not where you are today that counts. It’s where you are headed.”

Happy and Beautiful

Taking Chances

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I surprisingly miss Egypt. Sure, I was not happy in the hospital where I worked as an ICU nurse because of my colleagues who have not been very helpful during my stay there. The work was okay, though we’re very busy and there were times that I don’t get to take my 30 minutes break during my 12-hour shift, but I loved my work there. It was the people I’m working with that made me decide to leave. I am not delighted with their attitude towards us, foreigners. Well, so much about the dramas in the hospital. What I really miss there are my friends who’ve become my family when I was away from home. I also miss partying till the break of dawn, as if we don’t have problems and we’re not stressed at all.I left Egypt even before my contract ended. I did have some regrets there, but it made me become an even better individual. I’ve experienced how it is to work abroad, and I salute all the overseas Filipino workers who are sacrificing just to earn a living for their families. Being an OFW is really hard. You get home from work tired and stressed. Cook food to eat. Wash your clothes, then iron them. Plus the feeling that when you get home, it’s as if you’re not actually home because you are away from your family. Yes, I gave up by not finishing the battle I’ve started, but there is always a second chance, right? Very soon, I’ll be leaving this place again and will start anew. I’m taking chances and I will conquer what has not been conquered.

The Last Great Coffee Experience

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My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad.
Proverbs 23:15

I awoke to one of the rainy days of July last year. Nobody was home except for me. My breakfast was already set at the dining table but I didn’t feel like eating. I couldn’t bare the loneliness at that time so; I decided to go to a friend’s house.

It was still raining. There, I related to her what had just happened to me last night. It was so painful that all I got to do was cry. I’ve never felt so helpless. Many questions hung on my mind and I want to personally seek for the answers.

Just then, a text from the young man I was telling my friend arrived. He asked me if I’m feeling okay after last night. He also apologized for what he did and he even invited me for a coffee. I remember how he texted me, “ang lamig, noh? Parang ang sarap mag-coffee…” He didn’t ask me directly but I knew what he was up to. I honestly wanted to see him but at the same time worried on what I should say and how I should act when he’s around. However, I accepted the invitation.

He went over to my friend’s house because I was not feeling well at that moment. When I opened the gate, I was stunned by how we looked. He was really handsome. He was wearing a yellow polo shirt, a pair of Levi’s jeans, a pair of black Lacoste sandals and to complete the outfit, his hair was neatly stroke upward and I guess he was wearing a Davidoff — Cool Waters scent. I was so impressed and touched at the same time. Impressed because he told me that he was grounded but still established a way to see me to personally apologize; touched because he gave me three Gonuts Donuts. I know it’s not expensive, so what? What is important is that he remembered me and it’s the thought that matters anyway.

As we sat down the sofa, he made an apology for what he had caused me. I became silent. I didn’t know what to say.

He put a box of mentos and cigar and a yellow cricket lighter directed towards me on the table adjacent to us. A message in the lighter caught my attention. It says there, “I think of u all the tym.” I became clueless whether that message is intended for me so I glanced at him and he just gave me a naughty smile. That smile provided me the answer. It was really for me.

He confessed to me that he really likes me ever since we became classmates and also added that when our eyes meet, he feels something different. He feels that there is “spark”; that there is a connection between us. It may sound really corny but I do agree with him because I also feel that way.

After a brief talk, we decided to have coffee at Starbucks to continue our conversation there. He ordered me a venti-sized caramel frapuccino with whipped cream.
When we sat comfortably on the chairs outside the coffee shop, I observed him as he sipped his cup of coffee. Suddenly, I wanted to know everything about this young man.

As time passed, we talked about music, family, God, our interests, we shared our ambitions and almost everything. We watched the cute little boy while playing with his parents on the table right next to us.

As the minutes ticked by, I felt myself opening up to the sensitive young man before me. I know that that was what he wanted. He wanted to know me deeper and also, he wanted me to know about his life.

The cold evening turned warm and wonderful as we each took turns talking and listening intently to what the other had to say. We both revealed parts of ourselves that had been neglected. As I looked closely at him, I was filled with awe at what a warm and easy relationship we have developed.

On that cold rainy evening, we were transported into a world we both knew would exist only for that one special moment. I was concerned that we would never again have a very intimate conversation while having our favorite drink.

But it didn’t matter because on that cold evening of July, during those precious three hours we spent together, we drank, talked, shared, laughed, and warmed our souls to the very core.

* We both aspired with almost the same dream. He wanted to take up broadcasting; I wanted journalism. If we weren’t that obedient, then we’ll never have the chance to meet each other and I wouldn’t be able to share with you our story…

To the substantial young man I know:
We not only created a cherished memory, but we wrote and directed a play the same instant we performed it. There was no audience – just you and me and two cups of great coffee.

– Sunday October 1st 2006, 9:00 am

One Great Love

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I don’t believe in the saying, “first love never dies” but I believe that at some point in our lives, we get to experience that “one great love”. I never had a boyfriend since birth but it doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to love and that I didn’t experience love. Love is such a complex word. Different people has different ways of defining it. I myself can’t define that word. All I know is that I felt it (not just once). No reason, I just did. When I moved to a different Nursing school during my 3rd year, there I met my one great love. We were contradicting to each other. We don’t share a lot of things in common except for our passion when it comes to music and coffee. Perhaps it’s true that opposites do attract. We went out on a date a couple of times. We had constant communication. We had an understanding but he was committed at that time. We both feel that there is “spark” every time our eyes meet. Cheesy it may seem, but it’s true. I never asked him to choose because I was afraid of the answer. I decided to take one step away, but I found myself coming back. In the long run, we became friends and we hung out with the same set of friends. He became my confidant. I still had feelings for him but I kept it to myself and so we stayed as friends but it’s okay because our relationship grew stronger. Then, during our senior year, he was hospitalized twice. The ending of our love story was really tragic. He died. The doctors said he was diagnosed to have pulmonary tuberculosis and he died due to excessive bleeding. I knew about his sickness but I didn’t believe him. During the second time that he was rushed in the emergency room, he was about to undergo an operation. They were supposed to remove one lobe in his lung, but before it happened, he was gone. I saw how the doctors and nurses tried to revive him. People in the hallway were crying. I was, too. It felt as if the world stopped and I don’t know what to do. I panicked. I even wanted to help the doctors in reviving him. Then, I grabbed the hand of my friend and we went to the chapel inside the hospital. I prayed so hard. The time has come to go back to him. My friend asked if I’m ready, I said yes. The reason why my friend asked was because she saw him standing in the altar beside the cross wearing all white. He was smiling and then he waived goodbye. It felt as if that goodbye was meant for me, he just chose to pass the message on to my friend. The moment I was there, they declared the time of his death. I broke down and cried. I was in shock. Then, I saw his ex-girlfriend, we hugged without uttering a word. We went to see him with our hands held together. There he was, lying in a hospital bed, no heartbeat, no breath, no life. During his funeral, I met his family and friends. I was touched because when his friends knew who I was, they told me that he was saying a lot of good things about me. I had regrets but as time passed by, I began to understand his purpose in my life. He will always have a special place here in my heart.

Lesson learned: Life is too short. Seize the moment my friend, it may never come again.

Defining Self

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Someone once said that we are not human beings, because we are constantly doing something; we have become human “doings”. We don’t know how to just “be” anymore.

Ultimately, in describing ourselves,it matters not what we do for a living, what our salary is, what our title is, how many possessions we have or who we know. It doesn’t even matter what religion we belong to, our culture or our color.

Why? Because underneath all the labels, categories and boundaries and things that separate us-there is this ‘essence’ of who we truly are. Those things that unite us and draw us together…

We all yearn for genuine and sincere interaction/love. We all yearn for recognition and acknowledgment. We all yearn to be fully understood. We all have a need for safety and sustenance. We all desire to be respected and valued. We all bleed, cry, dream and love! We need each other…what if each of us saw those fundamental needs in each other?

Maybe there is no “self”. Maybe, just maybe, everything that we do, think, or feel affects another person profoundly. Where is the self in that?

What I do know, is that I am a spiritual being, having a human experience. My soul yearns for gentleness, kindness and compassion and connection. I experience the beauty and awe of sunsets, moonrises, a silky flower petal, the feel of sand between my toes, the soothing sound of running water, the heft and roughness of a rock, the sound of the wind, the smell of fresh rain and the taste of creamy chocolate!

I am a human being: I fear for our children’s future. I worry about the quality of our water, air, earth and food. I cry for all the violence, abuse, and neglect I see. I wonder how to reach out and help stop all the hurting. I dream of simple days. I bleed and feel pain. And finally, I love and desire to be loved. Just like you…

~blessing

I am a Work in Progress

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I’ve always wanted to write, not for me to satisfy my craving as a writer but because I simply want to inspire other people with what I’ve experienced in my life. I am 25 years old, a registered nurse, a Christian, no boyfriend since birth and the youngest in our family. I am not the best daughter in the world. I consider myself as the ‘black sheep’ in the family. At 14, I already started partying without even asking for permission. I’ve been drinking and started to smoke. I’m not the most intelligent among our class but neither am I the least. And the best thing is that, I never asked my parents to go to the Principal’s office because of misbehavior. Maybe, I became a spoiled brat being the youngest among my two other siblings, plus the fact that we have an enormous age gap. When I graduated from high school, I was asked by my mom what I would want to pursue. I really wanted Communication arts or Journalism. Unfortunately, I took up Nursing, because I want to fulfill my mother’s dream for me. I entered in a well-known Nursing school. I studied very hard in order to pass the required average, but I guess, I was not lucky enough. I transferred to another Nursing school during my 3rd year in college. At first, it was really hard for me. It’s hard because I know that I have disappointed my parents once again, but the worst part of it was that, I was disappointed with myself. This was the first time I questioned God. “Why me? Why did this happen?” There were questions but no one got to answer me. I am currently on my quarter life and I am proud to say that I’ve matured as an individual. Less questions, more answers. I am a work in progress and I am more than willing to learn more.